Let me ask you…
Have you ever felt so deeply connected with your man … his arms around you, feeling warm and happy and giggly and safe and utterly RIGHT…
Only to feel that WALL come down between you?
Almost out of nowhere.
Almost without warning.
And you feel that sickening clench in your stomach as you realize…
He’s pulling away.
And you don’t know why … or how to FIX it.
If you’ve ever experienced anything like this for yourself… then you need to read this article…
Because whether YOUR man is ‘checking out’ of the relationship emotionally or not…
You NEED to know what to do when the man you love pulls away from you BEFORE it happens…
…Why?
Because trying to learn how to DRAG his love back to you when you’re already losing him is like trying to learn how to swim when you’re already drowning.
Look: I learned this myself, the hard way.
It cost me relationship after relationship, heartbreak after heartbreak.
And after years of seeing the men I loved walk out of my life, leaving me desperate and sobbing and bloody and broken…
…I finally got smart and decided to take back control of my love life.
That’s why I made it my life’s work to uncover the secret psychology of men…
And the incredible hidden NEEDS that your man has… that all men have (but that he will never, EVER reveal to you on his own)…
And I want to share 3 of those secret, POWERFUL needs with you right now.
So if you want to prevent any man from EVER pulling away from you again… and DRAG his desire and devotion 100% back to YOU (where it belongs), forever…
Then there are just THREE things you need to know:
1. Thing One: Understand that all men periodically NEED to pull away from ANY relationship … in exactly the same way YOU need to stop eating dinner when you’re stuffed to bursting.
Weird but true:
To a man, love is like food.
Like such good food.
But even with the BEST food in the world… even if he’s been STARVING for years…
He’s still going to get full eventually.
I’m paraphrasing from Dr John Gray here, of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus (and by the way, if you haven’t already read it, you should)…
But basically, a guy’s heart can only hold so much emotional ‘food’ before he needs time to leave the table and digest.
In other words, him ‘pulling away’ is a normal and NATURAL part of the desire cycle.
He “eats”… he gets “full”… then he leaves the table for awhile so that he can get “hungry” again.
In other words, ALL MEN periodically NEED to ‘leave the table’. Otherwise, he’ll never feel that desperate craving to get close you to again.
Which is why having a man periodically pull back from you can actually be an incredibly good thing.
Because IF you handle it right (and I’m about to tell you how), when a man pulls away, it’s a GOLDEN opportunity to snap his attention, love, and desire right back onto you again… and closer than ever before.
Here’s how to do it.
2. Thing Two: When a man pulls away, you must make an IMMEDIATE commitment to yourself to react in a way that most women DON’T, WON’T, OR CAN’T.
Here, I’ll paint you a little picture.
Let’s say you’ve noticed a distance in your man’s behavior lately.
Maybe his cute little texts are getting fewer and further between.
Maybe he’s acting quiet, and distant, and cold, and weird.
Or maybe he’s even told you outright that it’s not working and he ‘needs some space’.
So, what should you DO?
Well, first I’ll tell you what you SHOULDN’T do (which is exactly what 99% of women end up doing):
Freaking out.
Most women react to a man going distant by PANICKING and saying things like:
• ‘What’s wrong?’
• ‘Is it me?’
• ‘Did I do something wrong?’
• ‘Is everything okay?’
• ‘You seem distant…’
But if you panic, freak out, or get ‘clingy’, you will QUICKLY drive him further away than ever.
And here’s why…
When it comes to love, a man’s capacity to feel love and desire for you is INCREDIBLY dependent on just TWO things:
– His ability to make you happy, and …
– His ability to feel your TRUST in him.
When a man perceives that he’s making you happy and that you TRUST him, his brain is flooded in a warm wash of happy chemicals.
He feels pride, ecstasy, euphoria, and a potent surge of sheer masculinity.
In other words, making you happy and earning your trust makes him feel like a MAN.
Don’t forget, most men walk around in their lives in a haze of insecurity, anxiety, and worries of being disrespected.
That’s why it’s so incredibly powerful when he feels your trust and respect in him.
It makes him stand up straight, feel ecstatic and warm and proud and strong, and ready to fight dragons for you just to feel it again.
But, if you freak out and react by trying to grab him and DRAG him back to you…
…then he (rightly) perceives that he’s NOT making you happy and you’re NOT trusting him.
Which triggers an instant and devastating surge of UNHAPPY chemicals in his brain.
The result?
Deep in his unconscious brain, he forges an unbreakable chemical link between ‘being around you’ with the unpleasant and deeply repulsive feeling of ‘being disrespected and distrusted as a man’.
And that’s when what WAS a simple, healthy, natural male instinct to ‘pull away’ in order to come CLOSER…
… ow becomes a legitimate WALL between the two of you.
So how do you make sure this NEVER happens to you?
Read on…
3. Thing Three: When a man pulls away, you need to EMBRACE it as the golden opportunity for a deeper, more incredible connection it really is.
If you feel like he’s pulling away (and he might very well be), here’s what you absolutely need to do:
– You MUST relax.
– You MUST NOT stress.
– You MUST remind yourself that all men do this, that it’s natural and healthy, that it’s literally FUELLING his ability to come closer to you…
– And most of all, you must allow him to pull back without freaking out and without trying to ‘fix’ it.
Because most of the time, there’s nothing TO fix.
It’s simply a man being a man … and getting closer to you in the only way he knows how:
By instinctively creating the DISTANCE between you that ends up driving a deeper, more connected CLOSENESS when he comes back your way again.
“But Matt … I can’t just do nothing! How can you be so heartless??”
Ha.
Well, first of all, understand that I’m NOT telling you to do nothing.
What I’m saying is that you must relax.
And relaxing is not ‘nothing’!
Real relaxing means taking positive action to become a stronger, more awesome version of yourself.
Whether that’s reading a novel, seeing a friend, taking a walk, playing with your puppy, cooking a meal, working out…
…anything you do that truly relaxes you is taking positive action to build a better life, a healthier body, a stronger immune system…
… and probably also stronger friendships, better self esteem, and a happier, more balanced mind.
So, relaxing is NOT nothing : )
But … hey, I get it. ‘Relaxing’ can feel downright IMPOSSIBLE when you feel like the man you love is slipping through your fingers and checking out of the relationship emotionally.
Plus, there’s the bitter truth: sometimes, a man pulling away really does spell trouble for your relationship.
This 1 Mistake Makes Him Lose His Desire to Commit
If you’re in a casual, friend with benefits, “situationship” with a guy that you have feelings for but he doesn’t feel the same way or he won’t commit to you…
If you’re sitting around waiting for a man to commit to you and questioning whether you should walk away or give him more time…
If you’re single and you feel like all the men you meet just want sex, don’t put in any effort, or are all talk and no action…
If you’re tired of all the games, putting in all the effort while getting nothing back, and men who are confused or not sure what they really want…
Make sure you NEVER press his “commitment phobia button” or else he’ll feel like you’re the WRONG woman for him.
He’ll begin to feel unsure, confused, and avoid the topic altogether.
Talk soon,
Matthew Coast
P.S. If a man IS commitment-phobic, your best chance of making him crave a commitment with you is to use something I call, “The Power Phrase.”
Many times, this is EXACTLY what he needs to hear to commit.
I’m in love with one guy but he said he would be with me as Friends with benefits! I said I can’t take it this way so I said him to fuck off from my life. Honestly I don’t know what must I do & I want to be with him.any suggestion would be helpful for me! thanks
Yeah I was involved with one like that. Best thing I ever did was move on . Few months later , I get “I miss you”. Said “too late, I’m with someone else now.” He said “I told you I didnt know if you would have anything to do with me again ” I said Here is what you told me: you dont believe in love, love is hard, and you dont want a relationship. I moved on and met someone mature”
This was awesome!
No way…..if you don’t want that type of relationship he is definitely NOT the right guy for you. Take your time building a strong relationship with a man who values you for more than sex. You’ll never be able to feel hood about yourself if you are seen as a “convenience” and rest assured this person likely has LOTS of friends with benefits….& you don’t want to expose yourself to the Russian roulette of STD’s or worse. Protect your health, integrity and self respect!
Friends.. Who really has them… Lmao… If u can’t trust her then I would just move on and let her be…. ..
I think having a friendship with your man is a good thing..you can really see what he is like. He will become more himself around you..it could open another door to true love..lose the foul language too will help.
Friendship is the key…
I fell in love with a widow who was married for 30 years. He 30 year old daughter who has daddy issues ( not wanting him to be happy and she controlled his world as she sat in her 3/4 of a million dollar home) Not once in the 4 years I was with him did I ever meet her. I did meet the son who by the way was very nice. But for 4 years I never spent a holiday with him or attend any family functions because he would say that holidays are for family. Always hiding behind his daughter. We would plan our future but talk is cheep there was never any action backing his words. So one day he said we need a break so we broke up i was however still loving him, he was introduced to a girl who is 12 years older and as big as a house covered with tattoos ( which he hates) and she smokes ( another thing he hates) and in a 4 month period she spent 3 holds with him and his daughter was invited to her bridle shower and he walked with her in the bridal reception. After 4 years of putting in the work loving him through all his “daughters^ issues I believe him to be a narcissus and used me. Even after he got himself a new gf we were intimate while the whole time he’s telling me there is something missing in their relationship. I know him well enough to know he’s not happy in fact since the daughter approves of this girl is why he’s with her. And yesterday I felt the huge hole in my heart which was filled with betrayal broken promises and lies. I’m on the road to healing but I offer my story to you in the hope of sharing the term ^Lessons and ^Blessings….don’t let your blessings to others become hard and difficult lessons for you.
I feel the same way…bee friend’s first… Let every thing fall into place….
Staying true to urself is the key we give so much to making the other person happy but if it cost u ur self respect, morals, wants, needs,values and own happiness then no he or she isn’t worth it. He’s telling you now he doesn’t really want u as the beautiful woman u are he wants ur body. Yes we should be friends first. But there is a big difference between friendship building toward a relationship and friends with benefits.
Let him go and do nothing. Start dating other men. Men mean what they say. Stand your ground and if at some point, he shows up and wants something real, you will have something to work with. Right now, you don’t.
You have to find someone who thinks more of you than themselves and Vice Versa!’ You will know when you have a problem and observe the behavior!’
Let him go. You have standards and FWB is not it. You’ll find a man that wants you for you, not just a FWB scenario. You know you deserve more and deserve better, so let him find another FWB while you find a decent man who’s not afraid of commitment.
Good stuff.
I met someone who is very reserved with very minimal communication. Is it worthy engaging myself into a relationship with him?
Please advise. However I would love to learn the eight simple steps.
Have you considered that this man might be high-functioning autistic?
I suggest you read up on this and Asperger’s Syndrome. You night recognise some traits.
Then you need to make a decision whether you can handle the traits, or whether will they make you unhappy…
If you are the type person that feels loved by your significant other saying things like: I love you , I miss you, you mean so much to me, How was your day, you make me happy, I’m glad you are in my life , etc.. then run. Because he will never be able to say those things to you. No natter how much you nurture him to give you feed back on his feelings. Reread that last statement !! He is incapable. Been there done that. It will tear you down make you feel unworthy. Protect yourself ❤️
Wow! Sometimes you need to let go to get better people. It’s rather disrespectful of him to have told you that!
True…
Hi I have a man he went to my parents and we had nikka but I was still studying we decided to separate until I complete my studies but before me completing he got another girl and they have a baby now but they are not together and he is telling me to go back what should I do now.
stay away and have a life , if he loved you he would’ve wait for you !!
Tell him to go to hell! You deserve far more better than that. Move on…someone out there worthy of beautiful you… No baggage no complication and only you he will focus on to. You cannot compete nor break his family. Don’t go back to old problem. He is a lost soul…
I completely agree. His loss!
Honey. Did you like your time without this man. Did you feel OK without him. Did you continue to achieve without him. He now has a child and well his life pretty lonely and lots of growing to do. He will not just have you to try and get attention from. Be your very best person. Let him see how gorgeous you still are that you are doing fine with your life. Give him hope too, show him he must let go of obsessions. Seriously, think of your self here. You are not alone now, you have us here darling girl. Happy Easter. God bless you.
That’s a lie I did all of this and he left me for a 20 yr old girl so how do I get him back
A 20 year old girl? Well, good luck to him, whewww!! She will grow up at some point and dump his ass! But you don’t go waiting around to receive rejected goods. Why in heaven’s name would you even ever entertain a single thought of getting an asshole like him back? He showed no respect for you, nor any decency with what he did. If he believes a 20-year-old girl can give him a stable relationship, all his actions prove that he is immature in many areas, a.k.a not a good partner for life! You need to have a good cry, because we are emotional creatures and tears are a relief, but then, you need to get back on your feet and see the reality. That this is not a good man. This is an asshole. And count your lucky stars or thank God, whichever works for you, that you got rid of this baggage!! Start building up your own life in all areas – mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually – and be that awesome person that you know you are. Don’t do all that to attract another man until you love yourself first, that’s when you have standards and strength in knowing you deserve far better than jerks.
I love your advice Thanks from me!
I met someone and saw him twice. The second time we slept together. He said he would call, but never did. Then many months had passed, and he sent a text saying he was too embarrassed to
call, but was thinking about me a lot during that time. I told him I did not believe him, and figured he had broken up with someone. They figure you are better than what they found before, but you have to move on.
Pretty J. You are better than that. Don’t take the looser back because he will leave you again for the next woman. Stop letting he walk all over you as if you are a dirty rug on the floor. You are way too much valuable. Love yourself first
Angel you don’t need that peice of a man. Learn how to love yourself first, than you will start learning how too identify a loser and a user of a so call man. I will say he is a bum magnet !
Thank u ,am truly learning more
I am in a relationship with this guy. He is married, but him and his wife separated 3 years now. We have been dating almost 2 years. We have our ups and downs like in every relationship, I love him and he tells me he loves me. He has a 10 year old son and other children. We have different opinion on almost everything. We are more tender around each other. But when there is crowd we tend to have a lot of tensions. We have arguments that lend to the both of us getting physical. Then we make it up. We love each other but he wants something that am not ready to give him, or I don’t know if I can give him what he wants. What should I do?
Okay I think we got lost it was a friends with benefits was what he wanted you to be I say that’s not always a bad thing because it’s you don’t want to get your feelings into anything too early don’t show your hand it’s a poker game who’s the better person that isn’t that you are bad by being friends with benefits in this day and time it’s you’re not going to be in a committed relationship you should at least be in a relationship with the person that you know who you’re having sex with safe someone safe and sometime you don’t need to be so needy a needy person doesn’t doesn’t get that that love that you’re looking for you don’t want them to think that you need them not until they know that you need them and they’re willing to be there for you that’s going to take some time you can’t get that in just a few months you could say a couple years but you didn’t actually if you’re friends with benefits that’s it it’s that the fit oh you’re in a committed relationship but darling you make that decision don’t leave that up to him and you can’t be somebody’s you can’t be somebody’s everything if they’re nothing and you need to explore but nothing really is love and peace be with you all every color in the world needs love at least to be respected
First of all, men like the chase and then finally winning the prize. Not bad, just that is the way they are. And when you “finally let him win,” just a little bit, he gets hooked. He wants the prize, and earning it makes him more connected. Also, don’t give up girl friends or going out with them for Girls night out”, it’ll drive him crazy ..lol
Yes Barbara you are so right on this. Men love the chase to win. And they will feel more “afraid” of loosing you when you let him see your are moving on with your life and having fun. My own situation now is I stopped the contact because he wanted to go with the flow. I told him I am not into sex only. So now me doing this it will show if it’s up or under..!
I am lost here women, we are valued people! Don’t forget who you are behind some man, stand up! I am also in a twisted relationship/marriage, but I refuse to let it get the best of who I am as a person. I do love my husband, but he has done things that I have forgiven him for time and time again. In the meanwhile, my life goes on and moving forward. I am beautiful, and worth everything and then some! Men are men, so women be the best freakin woman that you can be! Enough said, he will fall in or exit. Keep it movin though, cry later!
Yeshema, what are you still doing with amarried man who has been divorced numerous times? It is totally clear that once he gets achild from you,his nextstep will be getting another gal. To me you are being used too just as he did to those before you. I see no love there from aguy’s side with whom you keep fighting all the time and on tension when in public. You are wasting your time with that user and your future is not safe. Better get back your senses angel single understanding men who are ready to settle and can treat you right are out there
Run for your life before those fights and tensions turn into something irreversible.
We were inseparable, in -love, then he started acting different, was more distant; fewer texts, and calls, but he also picked up a drug habit, which i believe he became a totally different person, he no longer had no priorities was affecting our relationship and financially. It caused a wedge between us, we argued a lot more, until one day it just became silent between us, although I was not willing to give up on us, I reached out numerous times, but he told me he needed space, he was all fucked up. I have not heard from him in 3 months. This is the same person who initially could not go a day without me, he was always texting; reaching out, It all stopped! I miss him terribly, the loving caring, sweet man I first met
i’m in a long distance and was the one who wavered. Got to know another man who seems interested but never expressed verbally. Till 2 months later he asked to confirm and says he doesn’t want to be FWB.
I’m caught bcos this was ot my intention either. I still love my bf…
I have known a guy from work now for 10 months. We stare in each other’s eyes constantly. I’m extreeemely attracted to him. I haven’t dated in 6 years due to mistrust. I’m in my 40’s with no kids and never been married. I help him all the time when needed and he’s very friendly. I made cookie gifts for everyone at the holidays and even gave him one. He seemed surprised though. I’m wondering now if I’ve done enough and I should just leave it alone. Maybe see what he does next.
HI Janeau:
Let your work man make the first move, if he wants you he will want to chase you, even if he is shy, he will find a way to make a move to be with you. Yes, leave him be and see what he does next.
Nan C
I walked out on him for stewing over a Christmas present for my daughter on Christmas Eve that continued into Christmas morning! He didn’t let up on it so I felt like I had to leave to prove a point you don’t talk to me like that and stew over something that’s so little. Christmas time is for family not for fights and grudges. Since then doing the “no contact rule” with him yet we’ve talked on occasion a few times but when we’ve talked he shows signs like we’re still together by giving me mixed signals. How do I read into any of that? I don’t know. I do still want him back, but want to go about it the right way!