Have you ever met someone, someone who is seemingly opposite of you at first, and then just connected in an amazing, almost-mind blowing way?
At first, the conversation is respectable. But as things progress, you notice he loves your sense of humor, your voice, the way you put words together, how mysterious you are…
And the sexual tension is unbelievable! It’s like you want to forget all the rules about dating and just jump into bed, trying out every hot fantasy you’ve ever had.
Your confidence booms when you’re around him. Every time you speak, passion is in the air. You’re starting to wonder if you just have that effect on men or something…
And then you meet another handsome guy…
But nothing much happens. He’s nice, he’s interesting, but the ATTRACTION is not there.
What gives? Did he do something wrong? Did you do something wrong? Is there some law of attraction or rule of dating that you’re forgetting?
Or is it possible that sometimes chemistry between two people is explosive and intense no matter what…and then sometimes it’s just non-existent? Nothing, zip, nada, zero.
What If Chemistry is Entirely Physical?
Actually, there are many scientists who believe that attraction just IS – that it’s pheromone related and we naturally attract partners who are genetic favorites to our own unique chemistry. For example, WebMD states that the sense of smell is pivotal in determining sexual attraction and that we “smell” better to a person whose “genetically-based immunity to disease differs most from our own.”
So while there is such a thing as flirting skill, confidence and good signaling, many do actually believe in pheromone attraction. As long as two people take a chance and express a desire to get to know each other – they’re going to get together eventually, regardless of dating strategies.
On the other hand, chemistry can be deceptive. Even if the pheromone theory is true, it’s based entirely on evolutionary theory – the idea that women’s sex drives are linked to reproduction phases and so they’re looking for partners with genetic advantages.
But that would be about MATING attraction, not living together. Not marriage, nor happiness. It’s no coincidence that pheromones and gut-level attraction is usually linked to lust. Lust can oftentimes result in unhappy relationships…sexually intense but very difficult emotionally and intellectually.
Chemistry vs. Compatibility
Compatibility is the “good match”, which means two people share many things in common, such as:
• Values (what’s important to you in life)
• Goals
• Lifestyles
• Social functions
• Family history
• Attractions
• Similar tastes in hobbies and entertainment
• Conversation
• Ethics and morals
• Employment
And so on. These are the “logical” matches and if passion isn’t a big deal to you (and it’s honestly not with some people) then you would find it easy to meet a good match in your area, get married, and have a family.
But that’s where chemistry comes in and challenges the logical mind. Chemistry counteracts logic with emotion, stability with irrational impulse. But chemistry is not all about sex. Love can also be irrational, impulsive and deeply emotional.
We don’t want to IGNORE chemistry, because that could lead to a boring marriage based entirely on logic, little on emotion. We simply want to make sure both the heart and mind are in sync.
Whereas it’s fairly easy to see a match in compatibility (clue: it’s the guy your mom loves) it might be difficult at times to understand the signs of sexual chemistry. Do you feel real chemistry with the guy you’re dating or thinking about dating?
If you don’t notice any of these signs, then it might be a dead-end relationship.
1. Eye contact is intense.
Some guys lose eye contact quickly. Some lose your attention quickly, and you look away, feeling a little awkward. But with a man that you’re attracted to, eye contact is intense! You can’t stop looking at each other. You seem to almost silently communicate.
2. Attraction is instant.
You can’t explain why you’re attracted to each other, except that his presence overwhelms you. Maybe he’s everything you desire physically. Or maybe he’s opposite of your physical match, but still has a power over you that you can’t quite explain. Chemistry!
3. You want to be near each other.
When you’re intensely attracted to someone, you don’t want to “leave early”, “leave him wanting more”, or say “good night I got to get up early…”
You want to be near them, see them, research them, interact with them. Whereas the attraction for other handsome guys, comes and goes quickly, your attraction to him just seems to grow stronger the more you learn.
4. You speak a secret language of thought.
Whereas talking to most people requires more explanation, he instantly “gets” you. You have similar perspectives. You have similar beliefs and it’s a relief to find someone who understands without several minutes of back story. Your sense of humor instantly connects and you laugh at each other’s jokes – sometimes even before you finish telling the punch line!
5. You feel nervous and get that “butterflies in tummy” feeling.
Most guys you feel okay, confident and in control. But when you’re around a man you’re attracted to, you feel so excited your body goes into a slight panic. Your heart beats faster, you feel jumpy and goofy, and you have that fluttering feeling deep inside.
6. You can’t help but tease each other.
It’s SO easy to tease each other, flirt and push each other’s buttons because you’re such a good match. Physically and mentally, you fulfill each other’s needs. Whereas it’s sometimes difficult to flirt with a stranger or make small talk with a guy you’re not attracted to, it’s very easy to create a long and enjoyable conversation with this guy. That’s good chemistry and it shows.
As we can see, chemistry must always be accompanied by compatibility. A long-term relationship based on love will have both. Sexual attraction, yes, but balanced with true life compatibility. Shared values, shared perspectives, and personality traits that match. If you have noticed that you have a pattern of finding abusive or dysfunctional relationships, you might be putting too much emphasis on chemistry, not compatibility. But being aware of the issue is the first step to transforming your love life.
The 5 Word Phrase That Destroys a Man’s Love For You And Drives Him Out Of Your Life
There’s a simple 5 word phrase that will destroy any man’s love for you and drive him out of your life completely…
It usually comes out as an honest question when you want to connect with him…
But only serves to push him away and slowly kill your relationship from the inside out…
It can take a man who is filled with love and passion for you…
And make him feel cold, distant, and uninterested…
Have you figured out what it is yet?
Many women send this as a text message when they’re feeling insecure…
And then are confused why he suddenly pulls away and disappears completely…
Most of the women who ask it don’t even know how harmful it is…
Yet it can take a relationship that seems like it’s perfect…
A relationship where you feel loved, cared for, and like you’ve finally found “the one”…
And overnight, it can tear that relationship apart…
Leaving you confused, frustrated, and heartbroken…
If you don’t know what this simple yet seemingly innocent question is…
I want you to stop what you’re doing and go watch this video presentation that I put together for you at the link below…
Click here to watch the video now <<
My name is Matthew Coast and I’ve been teaching in the dating industry on since 2005…
I’ve helped hundreds of thousands of women, all over the world…
Get into relationships where they feel loved, seen, and cherished by the men they’re with…
When you click the link this link right here <<
I show you what this 5 word phrase is…
I’ll teach you about why men pull away, how to stop it from happening…
And how to attract the man you want…
Into a relationship where you’re loved and adored and treated like a priority…
No matter how painful things have been in your past…
You can attract a great man and have a great relationship…
Just click the link on your screen and the watch the video right now…
If you’re struggling with men pulling away from you…
If you’re tired of giving everything to a relationship and only being taken for granted…
And if you’re ready to have a man see you as a woman that he wants to be with forever…
Click this link to watch my video right now <<
