What is “old school love” anyway? Are we talking old school love like in Back to the Future (“Hey you! Get your damn hands off her!”) or more like old school romance like Hepburn and Tracy?
What is new school romance, for that matter? I mean, we can sort of imagine what it is, but maybe it’s difficult to think of some examples.
Well here are a few new rules that illustrate the problem.
“I as a man shouldn’t feel obligated to pay for a woman. I don’t want to be seen as the nice guy. Women are liberated now, they ought to pay their own way.”
Or:
“NEVER ask a man out. Never talk to him first. Never talk to him on social media first. A woman should do absolutely nothing to start a relationship. If you do, the man will eventually leave you for a woman who follows The Rules.”
Gimme a break!
Such dogmatic statements just scream to me: “This person has issues.”
I think it’s great for women to confident, to be feminist, and to act in ways that are empowering to them. I also think it’s great when guys break out of that niceness syndrome and just start being real.
But I also believe that if you take it to the extreme, you’re just projecting your personal issues onto your prospective date. And if I were sitting across the table from someone who had a long list of sacred do’s and don’ts, I don’t know about you, but I would just say, “NEXT!”
Let’s talk about old school romance. The way your parents dated, the way your grandparents dated. It does seem as if marriages a generation or two ago lasted, whereas today many couples are fickle. They certainly divorce in Hollywood all the time. Even in the world outside of show business, we’re looking at a 50/50 chance of ANY marriage lasting until the very end. That’s pretty grim, isn’t it?
Is this new school romance to blame? Not necessarily. I think the problem is that once we start living by a code of unbreakable rules, we lost sight of the most important factor: the romance. The genuine love we feel towards the other person based on our compatibility. Let’s consider a few reasons why “old school love” still works, even in an ultra-modern present day when the message seems to be:
“Don’t offend anybody. Follow all the rules and stay true to yourself!”
1. Old school love sets a higher standard.
Setting higher standards is really something we need to take seriously again. It’s so easy today to “avoid judging somebody” and just experiment with new relationships. We don’t really know what we want…that’s why we experiment, right? To see what works. Not really.
What was remarkably different about the old school approach to romance was that young lovers always knew what they were looking for. How so? Well, of course, their parents pushed them to look for the right type of mate!
Nowadays, maybe your parents won’t directly tell you what to look for. (After all, the minute they start doing that, you rebel!) But what your family has given you is a conscience. A strong role model on how to behave ethically, morally and with compassion for other people.
What really worries me about modern dating philosophy is the excuses a lot of people are making for narcissistic and sociopathic behavior. (Not to mention other personality disorders) No, you can’t make a relationship work if your partner has no empathy. The only way a marriage can last is if you both can learn to be self-sacrificing for each other.
So be proud of who you are and who your family has raised. Setting higher standards for yourself protects you from men who will exploit and emotionally abuse women. It’s highly important that you make a list of positive qualities and “must-haves” before committing to a man. Because if you find your newest romance has none of these important qualities, you are letting him build and define the relationship. Very dangerous territory.
Every man will give you attention. But only the best will qualify to be with you because of his good character.
2. Old school love puts in a lot more work.
Milliennial hookup culture may be nothing new (I mean does anyone ever read about the 1920s?) but what is new is the idea that if marriage becomes too difficult, you’re better off single.
Well yeah, in theory, that’s true. But if that’s the case, our priorities on “what love is” are all messed up! People stayed together in the old days because they knew commitment was about putting in the work. They anticipated there would be disagreements. There would be stress, communication problems, even heated arguments. But the solution wasn’t to break up or divorce. They had already decided to commit to the marriage and that meant working out problems. That failure wasn’t an option because preserving the family unit was the most important thing that they wanted.
No, I would never advise a woman to stay in a marriage that’s unhappy. But I would suggest setting stronger priorities before marriage so that temporary flings are never confused with real love.
3. And you knew who you were then. Girls were girls and men were men.
That’s actually a lyric from “Those Were The Days”, a song made famous from All in the Family. But I’m not going to talk about gender or about feminism or about chauvinist culture or anything so controversial. Instead, I’m going to leave you with this simple thought.
If a man’s desire is to be romantic and chivalrous, LET HIM BE.
Why in the world would that be a bad thing? We live in an age where men just hardly put in the effort to please a woman anymore. They have surrogate lovers online, hookup culture from Tinder, and all sorts of other distractions.
So when a man actually feels like chasing you, being romantic, and trying hard to impress you, don’t stifle his enthusiasm. Don’t play hard to get and don’t make up rules just to make it more difficult for him to charm you. Encourage his chivalrous behavior. Because deep down, all men want is to please women. Their level of happiness can be gauged in just how hard they work for a woman and always with a smile on their face.
Encourage this behavior and if you meet a man who is both attractive and chivalrous (even to a fault, by opening doors and insisting on paying and all that stuff) then don’t chase him away. Men with honor are hard to find. Men EXCITED about the opportunity to impress a woman, without mind games without deceit, are hard to find.
As months turn into years, it will be much easier to love a man who works hard and enjoys providing for you, rather than a man who’s not quite sure what he wants.
Bring the romance back by embracing the best things about old school love. Namely, the romance, the magic of the chase!
The 5 Word Phrase That Destroys a Man’s Love For You And Drives Him Out Of Your Life
There’s a simple 5 word phrase that will destroy any man’s love for you and drive him out of your life completely…
It usually comes out as an honest question when you want to connect with him…
But only serves to push him away and slowly kill your relationship from the inside out…
It can take a man who is filled with love and passion for you…
And make him feel cold, distant, and uninterested…
Have you figured out what it is yet?
Many women send this as a text message when they’re feeling insecure…
And then are confused why he suddenly pulls away and disappears completely…
Most of the women who ask it don’t even know how harmful it is…
Yet it can take a relationship that seems like it’s perfect…
A relationship where you feel loved, cared for, and like you’ve finally found “the one”…
And overnight, it can tear that relationship apart…
Leaving you confused, frustrated, and heartbroken…
If you don’t know what this simple yet seemingly innocent question is…
I want you to stop what you’re doing and go watch this video presentation that I put together for you at the link below…
Click here to watch the video now <<
My name is Matthew Coast and I’ve been teaching in the dating industry on since 2005…
I’ve helped hundreds of thousands of women, all over the world…
Get into relationships where they feel loved, seen, and cherished by the men they’re with…
When you click the link this link right here <<
I show you what this 5 word phrase is…
I’ll teach you about why men pull away, how to stop it from happening…
And how to attract the man you want…
Into a relationship where you’re loved and adored and treated like a priority…
No matter how painful things have been in your past…
You can attract a great man and have a great relationship…
Just click the link on your screen and the watch the video right now…
If you’re struggling with men pulling away from you…
If you’re tired of giving everything to a relationship and only being taken for granted…
And if you’re ready to have a man see you as a woman that he wants to be with forever…
